iPads = Satan

Hello boys and girls, I've been gone for a while. Why, you ask? Well, if i told you, I'd have to kill you. But in my absence, I've bought myself the new, sleek, fashionable apple iPad, which is really difficult to lift with one hand. Everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong with this thing and it's starting to get tome, but besides this infernal thing causing my hair to fall out...i can't make those funny little drawings that you see until i get some money to pay for a few apps. To top that off, I was hoping to suddenly become famous over my short leave, but that isn't happening either. Back to the iPad. It really is like an obese iPhone, but it's a really sexy device, and you should totally buy one. Or two. Or maybe five.all in all, this was just a quick update, and as soon as i get everything sorted out I'll write you (anyone who remotely cares about this blog, actually) all a real blog that's actually kind of funny.

My Traumatizing Butterfly Experience

okay, so we've all had a traumatizing experience with SOME sort of animal. i've had more than one, but i still love animals because i'm dumb.so, before i start off, and not explain why i freaked out around a bunch of butterflies and have you think i'm a huge wuss (which i probably am) i was six when this happened.

so, my parents decided to take me to the Bronx Zoo (i think that was it) and i was extremely excited about seeing the butterflies.if i did not get to see the butterflies, i'd surely piss myself from sheer excitement.i stayed up all night,daydreaming about the butterflies.the next day, i wore a blue shirt, which supposedly attracts butterflies.

well, when i got there, i could hardly contain myself.i was about to explode and i wanted to run, but i had to walk with my mom, which was slow and painful.it was like being lit on fire while a rhinoceros stepped on your face.finally we got there, and i was jumping up and down and flailing, and people were probably staring.we got in, all was nice for about 5 minutes, then a few butterflies came out and landed on my shirt. it felt weird, and it tickled, and i was slightly afraid / weirded out, but i ignored that and tried to focus on how pretty the butterflies were.i was fine on the outside until about five dozen came out and flew around me, and landed on my face, legs, and shirt. it was itchy and tickly and i was scared to squish them, so i started flailing around, screaming and crying. i made a fool of myself, but i didn't care, because butterflies were evil in my eyes. i probably embarassed my mom, too.

(i did this on a different computer, so that's why my skin looks different.)

Crabs-They Are Scary.

 okay so, I'm back from my hyperbole of hiatus. if that even makes sense. I know at least ONE person has been reading my blog..those two,lonely blogs, and you, faithful reader might care enough to come back for more. so, recently i went to hammonasset beach, and we (me and my friend) decided to go crab hunting. i was pretty confident, i thought i could catch them. well first, i was like this when we were heading over to the rocks:

so,I skipped over the rocks like a olympic runner on steroids, while my friend slowly caught up to me. i was flipping over rocks looking for crabs. i saw one at last, and it was way smaller (and freakier) than i expected. i thought i had a fear of crabs before, but i didn't think it was true since i've never seen a live, wild crab in my entire life.well,i ignored my urge to flee, and tried to pick up the crab , and put it in my bucket. a little lesson about crabs: those things are fast. i spent about 15 minutes running around chasing this one little crab, flipping over rocks that it dove under. until i found something that confirmed my nauseating fear of crabs.I flipped over a rock that the tiny , i repeat, tiny crab hid under. and i found an adult sized crab, about the size of my face.a wave of HOLY CRAP, RUN NOW!!!!! surged through my entire body.i felt like i was going to start puking. the way it moved, the way it clicked it's claws, the noises it made, it's legs.i wanted to puke and die at the same time.i freaked for a second,and was all like "HOLY CRAP, IT'S GOING TO PISS ACID ON MY FACE!!", but then i was all like "i should totally be hardcore and catch this thing." so i tried. it was 20 minutes of:  

eventually i got behind the crab and picked it up. oh god, i expected it to be hard, and not feel anything at all. i was wrong, so wrong.i picked it up, and the crab was SQUISHY.what.the.heck. a wave of sickness washed over me, and i looked at it's wiggling legs and ugly moving eyes, i chucked it in my crab bucket with superhuman force (i hope it learned a lesson, nobody messes with me) and ran back to the sand, scared to the point of shaking.life lesson learned, crabs should never be messed with unless you want to loose a finger or something. they are horrifying.

p.s: i am changing the design of my blog, and i am new to this stuff so please bear with me

I hate hamsters

hamsters are awful, wretched pets. never get a hamster, they suck.


             so the first ever hamster i got was named ember, they seem all friendly at first.i loved ember for the first 3 days i had him.he was so cute and fluffy, and it was adorable the way he'd stuff food in his pouch. like i said, this only lasted for 3 days.probably on the second week of having him, i wanted to take him out and cuddle him.so i opened the cage lid, reached my hand in. i had to chase him around the cage to get an angle where i could actually pick him up,and when i tried to pick him up, he'd bite my finger.if i wanted to hold him, i'd have to reach in and snatch him up by the scruff of the neck.a couple of times, i was so pissed, i wanted to thrash him around until his little neck snapped. but no. i tried to make him like me, i made my poor dad buy all sorts of treats and toys for him, that he never touched.another reason i hate hamsters- they never stop moving, and they crap EVERYWHERE. one day i wanted to take ember out for some fresh air, so i put him in my hoodie pocket and set out.this was a HUGE MISTAKE. about halfway down the street, ember leapt out of my hoodie pouch and started running off. i had to chase him down the street, and a couple of times when i almost caught him, and he bit me and ran off, i thought about letting him run into the street, and letting him get squashed.but no, i went and caught him anyways. i walked back home, and during the walk, he pooped about 20 times in my hoodie pouch, and i never wore it again.the last reason, is that hamsters are nocturnal. ember loved to piss me off by staying up and gnawing on the cage bars, making it impossible to sleep, or even try to sleep.

  

Morning Glory

first post, sup i'm Meridan

this post is about MORNING GLORY. which i'm sure all of us have had at one point, or will have. morning glory is a wonderful thing that happens when you just wake up. the sun is shining right through your window, and you're nice and cozy under the covers. this lasts for about 2 to 4 minutes, then you realize you can't just sit there all day,or you need to feed the cats, or you need to feed yourself, and you get up. you are so blissful at this point, there could be fire shooting out of your dog's nose,and you'd still be smiling. i made this because not so long ago i had Morning Glory. it was like riding on a unicorn while drinking 1000 liters of fruit punch that's also infused with pop rocks, which is awesome.

oh man i look so beautiful when i have Morning Glory.